Without You

I just want to say I don’t write poems.  The last time I wrote a poem was in high school.  But I’m grieving the loss of my God. And this is what came out.

Without You

Goodbye old Friend.

You were my family. My confidant. My protector.

We didn’t always have the best of times, but we sometimes did.

Your tools were the only ones I had, but I was given another’s blueprints.

And so the life I built crumbled.

How strong am I to have built a life with nothing but parchment and ink and will?

I miss you. I miss building things together.

I miss doing things together.

Thing that you liked, things that I liked. Things that no one else liked.

We were pals. I loved you.

But you hurt me.

A betrayal I didn’t deserve.

And what was worse was that everyone else still loved you.

I was left feeling like I was the villain. That it was my fault.

I don’t know if I will be able to forgive you for that.

I was still so good to you.  But you were jealous.

Jealous of my other life. My other loves. My other happiness.

But I stood up for you. I was your champion.

Everyone else made fun of you. But I protected you.

I thought that was what you wanted, but you didn’t show any appreciation.

So I stopped being your hero.

And not even that got your attention. You continued ignoring me.

And I realized you had been hurting me the whole time.

The worst deception of my life.

And so now, with new tools and with new blueprints, and strengthened muscles,

I will learn to live without you.

To wake up without you. To eat without you.

To think without you. To learn without you.

To spend time without you. To work without you.

To play. To make friends.

To sing.  To sleep.

To grow. To explore.

To teach. To create.

To dance. To celebrate.

To heal. To hurt.

To love without you. To live without you.

I don’t know if I could have done any of this without you.


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